I used to dream about this moment. Dobuita Street never seemed so beautiful and nostalgic. It’s my first time here, but I know my way around. I walk past the flower shop, but Nozomi is not there. I guess it’s to be expected; it’s exam season, and she has plans to move overseas.

Every time I mention her to my friends, they cannot help but giggle. I wonder why.

I should be in school as well, but today I had to train with my father. This year the tournament will be held in Yokosuka. My head kind of hurts from all the jabs I have received, but I feel like my defense is improving.

I feel the first drop of rain. The sailors are already meeting at the bars. I always feel like they have too much time to kill.

I decide to visit Tom and get a hot dog. “Hey, Freddy!” he shouts at me in his broken Japanese.

“Freddy? What do you mean?” I want to ask, but I decide to ignore it.

“Hey, Tom… Can I get a hot dog?”

“Of course! Still a black eye, huh? You guys sure do not hold back!”

“You can’t improve if you don’t suffer a bit. I guess that’s life.”

“So young, yet so wise. Do all 28-year-olds speak like you?”

Last time I checked, I was 18, but I still do not correct him. With all the customers he has, he is probably confusing me with someone else, even though I may appear older than I am.

On the other side of the sidewalk, I notice Goro, the wannabe bosozoku, waving at me.

“Tell me… how is life treating you? How is your father?” asks Tom while he prepares the ingredients.

“Busy. He is kind of busy with work, but he still has enough time to train me. You know, with the competition and all the rest…”

“It’s a good thing, Ryo. My father was hardly around. Family is important. Don’t take for granted the time you have with him. When life gets tough, you can still talk to him.”

“You know, Tom… it’s funny you mention that. It has been pretty tough, actually.”

“How so?”

I reply:

“I have no idea what to do. The future is uncertain. I am not even sure if I will be able to stay here. Every day becomes a little harder to wake up. I need to fight both the past and the present. The only time I feel something is when I get punched.

I think I am not special, and that I probably never will be. Mediocre at what I do best. I am afraid the echoes of the past will win.I think there is no such thing as a prize in this world. Every time I get what I want, I simply think I did what I was supposed to do. When I don’t get what I want, I feel like I am not enough.

Every failure I gather in the present keeps adding to the ones I had in the past. There was a time when I enjoyed writing and creating new worlds with different characters, but they stole that from me too. And the thing is, they didn’t really steal it. I let them take it. You know what I mean?”

Or, at least, this is what I want to tell him.

But somehow I just say:

“School and everything.”

He whispers something like: “Oh, what I would do to have those problems and be so young again, take care Struggler.” Or something like that.

He hands me the hot dog, I pay him, and I leave. It’s starting to snow. I wonder if my father is alright. I wonder if Nozomi is alright. I buy a can of coffee from a vending machine. I sit on a bench in the park next to the shrine beneath the falling snow.

Despite all of this, I feel grateful. Ryo, Freddy, Struggler… whoever I am. I sip the coffee and I can’t help but smile. Despite everything, I am exactly where I need to be.