The neon light seems a bit off but somehow it’s exactly how I pictured it in my dreams. The night is quiet and the streets are almost empty. It had been a long day. A morning shift at a small coffee shop in Asakusa, school in Akihabara, then finally boxing back in Chiba. It’s been a while since I sparred and entered the ring but it truly was so beautiful to be back again. And now, wandering through the night, just next to the train station, I admire the 7-Eleven.

What time is it? It could be any time between 22:00 and 02:55. A nice hot coffee, a can of Monster Energy and a Snickers. I know, it’s not exactly the best before sleeping but who is trying to sleep here? I sit on a bench and just think about my present. I used to dream about this moment.

I remember the nights in Bangor and in Milan, listening to lo-fi and dreaming about living in Japan. Maybe sign up in a boxing gym near the train station, just like Hajime No Ippo, and watch the trains pass while holding a can of coffee, just like Shenmue. It really seems like a fever dream.

Sometimes I get scared about the future, that’s true. Leaving my job in Milan, a real job as a journalist, was a bold choice nonetheless.  However, suddenly, when I am on this bench, looking at the 7-Eleven, listening to lo-fi and pretending I had finally become the person I wanted to be somehow makes me feel okay with myself.

And it makes me think about how life can really be unpredictable. All those days doubting myself, considering if I was worth something after all the trauma I had to experience, seeking help to stories like Berserk and Vagabond just to find peace myself…All of that somehow led me here. In a way, I am restarting life all over again.

I am back to step 1. After Ostia (not for my choice), London, Bangor, Milan… now I am finally where I always planned to be. And that’s where trouble lies, I guess. The strange thing is that my problems no longer exist in the present. They only exist in the past. Always trying to make peace with something that has already happened and cannot be resolved. I used to think a high-paying job would solve everything. It didn’t. Maybe if I become a writer, everything will make sense. Maybe if I have the power to knock out someone I’ll be finally okay with myself. Or, maybe, if I move to Japan everything will make sense. That’s hard to say.

Like Christopher Moltisanti (The Sopranos)said “There is no chemical solution for a spiritual problem”. It may be so, but right now, even after all the stuff that happened to me, I feel like there is light and hope in this world. In the end, just like Guts from Berserk said, the winner is the last man standing. Still here.