Silent Hill II: a traumatic past

Once upon a time in 2006

I was 9 and I attended grammar school. It wasn’t a good time of my life. I lived in a small town, far from home. I felt alone. I had no one to talk to. The days were grey and they were all the same to me: waking up, going to school, sport, studying and so on. I guess it’s a common routine for a child of that age. The days were so identical that I could not even tell them apart.

But at the bottom of this endless greyness, there was a light. I was the proud owner of a Playstation 2 and I had a stack of games inherited from my neighbour. One game title stood out among all.

Silent Hill II is a name that has appeared frequently in these pages. It is hard to convey the emotions I felt the moment I experienced it. I was confused, scared, disoriented. I wouldn’t have described that game as a good experience.

The long walks through the streets of Silent Hill in a thin fog, the monsters with a human appearance and the brutal and sexual nature of some moments made me feel a strong feeling of discomfort. It made me feel dirty. This is a further proof of the masterful job from Konami in painting a psychological picture of such complexity.

I didn’t understand the story perfectly. I didn’t grasp the references to Carl Jung and David Lynch. One thing I understood for sure: a guy was looking for his dead wife in a town full of monsters. And the plot, at least in appearance, is simple as that.

mountain slope covered with trees
Photo by eberhard grossgasteiger on

James Sunderland receives a letter from Mary, her wife, who died three years earlier from cancer. She begs him to return and meet her in Silent Hill, the city symbol of their special place. Confused, James leaves for the city but, once he is there, he doesn’t find the idyllic Silent Hill of which he cherished a fond memory.

Now everything is rotten, ravaged and inhabited by disgusting creatures, monsters and humans. On his journey to this hell, James will meet several people. The first is Angela Orosco, a mentally unstable girl whose emotional state is deeply damaged from the continuous memories of the sexual violence she endured inflicted by her father and from the psychological abuse caused by her mother.

Silent Hill and the shadows of the past

As the story unfolds, James meets Eddie Dombrowski, a severely overweight boy who has had severe self-esteem problems due to bullying. Here, the player has the sensation something is slightly off.

How come all the humans James meets are indifferent to the chaos that reigns in Silent Hill? Why is no one worried about the deformed monsters that appear in every part of the city? A further question arises when James meets Laura, an 8-year-old girl with no parents who roams the streets of Silent Hill carelessly.

As it turns out, Laura was friends with Maria, James’s wife, and came to Silent Hill on purpose to see her again. There is definitely something wrong here. It almost seems as if each of the characters is walking into a different and personal version of Silent Hill-Also, this city seems to attract a certain type of person.

One of the most common explanations is that Silent Hill is a purgatory, a place where anyone who has failed to overcome a severe trauma is finally forced to face it. Silent Hill is a shape-changing purgatory based on each person’s fear and trauma.

James still feels guilty about his wife’s death and he can’t get rid of the survivor syndrome. Every monster he encounters is full of sexual allegorical meanings.

Mannequin is an example of James’ clear sexual frustration when Mary was battling cancer. Pyramid Head, the faceless monster who takes what he wants by force. The character of Maria is also noteworthy. Maria is the physical copy of Mary, but her personality is completely different: she is the stripper of Heaven’s Night, a night club situated in Silent Hill. Maria could represent Mary’s split personality, as well as James’s sexual desire.

Still in that city

Silent Hill II is a journey into the depths of the human psyche. No wonder a game so full of metaphors, hatred, trauma and redemption gave me such a negative feeling as a child.

James’s journey will finally lead him to the truth, to the “special place” shared with Mary. There are six available endings. Not a single one of them is canon. I can just talk about the ending I had in my run that I first completed (I never finished the game as a kid) a few months ago. The ending called Leave: James has the opportunity to face his past once and for all and talks to his wife for the last time. James finally leaves Silent Hill with Laura. He has earned the right to process the trauma and leave the city. Silent Hill has one less soul to torment.

I am grateful I experienced this ending: the other epilogues had a much bleaker development. Still, a part of me will always be part of that city. Maybe Jame has abandoned Silent Hill for the moment. But, sometimes, I can still see it in my dreams. James has made his journey. I can’t say the same for me. Silent Hill called me to answer of my past a long time ago. I suspect my journey will be a long one.

But I don’t mind. I’m still in Silent Hill.

Sognando con Silent Hill II

Ho già parlato della mia speciale relazione con la musica mentre sono solo e studio qui.

All’università ascoltavo lo-fi in una biblioteca che sembrava uscita da un romanzo di Charles Dickens dalle 22:00 alle 05:00 del mattino. Non avevo bisogno di stare in quella biblioteca per così tanto tempo e di certo non studiavo per sette ore di seguito. Stavo lì perché adoravo stare da solo a guardare la piccola città di Bangor assopita e illuminata da lampioni che riflettevano le ombre dei rami degli alberi spogli sulle strade. 

Mi riferisco a questa biblioteca. Quando ci sei solo, di notte, seduto al lato della finestra,fa tutt’altro effetto.

Studiavo per due ore e mezza o tre e poi ascoltavo musica dal mio laptop guardandomi intorno e passeggiando nei lunghi corridoi della biblioteca. A volte aggiornavo il mio diario. A volte leggevo Murakami o Lovecraft. A volte scrivevo. Tutto con il sottofondo musicale coperta in parte dalla pioggia sempiterna (ma chi mi credo? Shakespeare?non so neanche che vuol dire) del Galles.

Eccetto il lo-fi ascoltavo le colonne sonore dei miei film e videogiochi preferiti: ‘L’ultimo samurai’, ‘ Requiem for a dream’, ‘Shadow of the Colossus’ (che ricordi…), Eternal Darkness: Sanity Requiem (che trip…) e, infine, Silent Hill II. All’epoca non ci avevo ancora giocato (l’ho recuperato un annetto fa) ma la colonna sonora risuonava direttamente nella mia anima. Osservavo la pioggia scendere lentamente dalla finestra a mosaico accanto a me con la compagnia di una Monster Energy ghiacciata e pagata il doppio in un distributore automatico. Erano bei tempi. Sognavo in grande ed ero fortemente ottimista. Adesso lo sono ancora di più e spero di continuare su questa strada.

È passato un anno e mezzo da allora ma alcune abitudini non sono cambiate. Ora sono a Milano, in un ostello e sono nella sala comune a scrivere queste righe. Non c’è nessuno. Solo la musica di Silent Hill II, una bottiglia mezza piena di Tè freddo al limone (chiunque preferisca quello alla pesca ha dei problemi), un laptop con il tasto della freccia ‘su’ rotto, un quaderno e una penna… sognando un futuro radioso e un passato meno deprimente: purtroppo non posso fare nulla per quest’ultimo ma posso fare molto per il futuro.

Menzione speciale per la mia compilation preferita di lo-fi.